Anxiously Studying Abroad: Instagram is Only Half of the Story

Note: this is a re-post from my old blog.

I’ve posted a lot on Instagram and some on Facebook about my study abroad experience, but I feel like I haven’t been honest, to the detriment of myself and others who are interested in study abroad. The truth is, while study abroad has been a great experience in many ways, it’s also been a cultivator for my anxiety. Many of my friends, upon hearing this, are naturally confused — my Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat posts show me having a great time exploring the world. And that’s all real, but it’s only part of the story.

I didn’t realize before study abroad how much I relied on the comfort of my friends, my family, and my stable living situation. The comfort of even simply knowing they were there. Without these things, I find myself uncomfortably untethered. While I’ve met many amazing people in my program, I’ve also struggled with the “do they like me” worries, the “do I really have the energy to go out tonight” woes — things I haven’t found myself thinking about since first semester freshman year. Moreover, there’s the pressure of the “fast friends” situation: grabbing the potential ones before they go into a different group and getting close quickly to ensure social security and support. Basically, when you do a small program like mine where you’re with the same people all the time, it’s like high school all over again. Some advice: leave with all of your ducks in a row to help combat this. Plan weekly Skype sessions with friends back home (and stick to them), be clear with your summer fling or newly-minted ex-boyfriend (it’ll be harder to manage while abroad), and just honestly tell someone else in the program how you’re feeling (they’re probably feeling the same thing).

My program also has the added difficulty of being on the move: 2 countries in 3 months, what can possibly go wrong? You’re there long enough to get over the tourist excitement and adjust, but as soon as you reach the latter you’re yanked out to a new country. This was originally a very attractive part of the program to me, as it gave me the opportunity to study abroad in 2 countries for the price of 1. But as a SoCal kid going to school in NorCal and a child of divorce, I should’ve predicted how hard it can be for me to feel like the rug was going to be pulled out from under me at any moment, forcing you to re-adjust. I remember my high school health teacher saying, change is the number one cause of anxiety. I more than agree. So whether you’re going to 1 or 5 or 10 countries through your program, bring something to tether you to home like a photo of your friends or your designated nap pillow to make your new home feel more… home-y.

I’d also like to thank the United States for having constantly terrifying news that shakes me, even while I’m on another hemisphere. As a survivor, this has been an awful time, especially to be away from those friends who know the particularities of what I’ve been through. Consider a news purge while you’re away during this administration.

Then, of course, there’s me. For many, the aforementioned problems are difficult but manageable and shouldn’t be a deterrent for study abroad but, rather, a warning to prepare. But if you’re like me, be careful about choosing study abroad as well as the program you choose, because, as it turns out, it’s VERY difficult to get out of study abroad. You can face massive financial penalties, especially if you’re a financial aid recipient, as well as academic ones, no matter your mental or physical health status. I, for one, have been in an ardent battle with my anxiety for years, cycling through periods of calm and periods of “rough growth”, as I like to put it. All throughout that I’ve had friends and family beside me — but, as I’ve learned, video chat is not the same for me as having them physically there.

So do I regret my decision? It’s hard to say, especially since I’m only a little over half-way through my program. I’ve learned so many things, delving deep into Argentina’s history, particularly with human rights, my minor. I’ve even been privileged to talk to people who experienced what I’m simply reading, adding a new layer of depth that can’t be expressed in nor extracted from a textbook. I’ve gotten to visit amazing places that nobody in my family has ever gotten to. My Spanish has improved. I’ve gotten to eat amazing food. But, if I were honest with myself, I probably should’ve done this program senior year like many of the people in my program. Or maybe chosen a different one where I could at least have stability of place. Either way, I’m here now. I’m trying my best to enjoy this time, but, I’ll admit, I’m making that pretty hard for myself. At the end of the day, it’s really difficult to regret something when you don’t know what the alternative would’ve been.

As for whoever is reading this, study abroad is hard. I’ve talked to a lot of people who are currently studying abroad but also those who have already, and they all say just about that. For the vast majority of people, the good times balance out the bad and, ultimately, they’re more than happy with their decision and experience. In fact, many find themselves missing it. Sometimes, though, you feel that you’re outmatched by and underprepared for the troubles that can arise during study abroad. This doesn’t mean don’t do it — but be careful. Consider summer study abroad. Consider which program is best suited for you. Consider studying abroad, but also consider yourself.

And if you’re on study abroad now or in the future and you’re having a hard time, know that you’re not alone. You’re not doing study abroad wrong as many people’s Instagrams, including my own, might have you believing. You’re just having a tough time in a new situation in a new place.

Some other random advice:

1. Underpacking is better than overpacking. Chances are you’re going to somewhere where you can get what you need. You’re also going to buy A LOT of souvenirs for friends and family, especially if you’re in a country where the USD is strong.
2. Apply for both a credit and debit card without international fees — I did the former but not the latter and was forced to pay $10 every time I took out money in Argentina.
3. If you have any sort of anxiety, even non-clinical, just on the spectrum, you should start seeing a therapist a couple of months before you leave. A lot of people in UCEAP programs end up getting one anyways once they’re abroad. By getting one beforehand, you have someone who already knows you helping you through everything. Therapy isn’t just for when you have problems — it’s also for PREVENTING them.
4. Really research where you’re going to see if it’s for you — the program people won’t warn you until you get there. Many people in my program were surprised by Argentina’s lack of spicy food, majority white population, and their particular and prevalent form of racism, especially towards other Latinxs people.
5. Go in excited but with no expectations.